5 things I learned working in a gay bathhouse

If you want to get up-close-and-personal with man-on-man sex, there’s few better places to do it than in a bathhouse or a gay sauna.

Here’s a few of the things that I’ve learned working in bathhouses.

1. Guys come in all shapes and sizes

It’s stating the obvious, but the men who want to have sex with other men don’t have a particular look. The guys that come into a bathhouse are all ages, all professions, all backgrounds, all body shapes and sizes. Some are kind of macho, some aren’t. Some guys look like porn-stars, most guys don’t.

That diversity naturally extends to their dicks. I thought I’d seen a lot of cock in my time, but when you're working in a bathhouse it’s a total dick-fest.

Some guys like to keep their towels tightly wrapped around themselves, but most don’t. I’ve seen dicks that are soft, hard, and every degree in between. Cut dicks, uncut dicks, big dicks, small dicks, and lots of average-sized dicks.

I wouldn’t say that I’ve become desensitised to the sight of a cock, but seeing so many dicks on a day-to-day basis has given me an appreciation that all dicks look slightly weird but undeniably appealing.

2. There’s always someone who wants what you’re offering

I’m often surprised by who hooks up with who in the bathhouse. The guys that you think are going to be power-tops often aren’t. Big muscular guys often seem to be looking for something completely different. It’s hard to predict.

But what’s always interesting to me is that when you go to a bathhouse, there’s pretty much always going to be someone there who is looking for what you’re offering.

If you want to lie back in a sling and let guys go to town on you, you’ll soon have a queue of eager volunteers. If you want to assume the position at a glory-hole, there’ll be no shortage of guys looking for an anonymous cock-sucker. If you want to get sweaty with someone in the sauna, there’ll be someone ready to turn up the heat with you.

3. A busy bathhouse doesn’t increase your chances of getting laid

My bathhouse jobs usually saw me on reception – I’m the one who meets the guys at the door, takes their money, and gives them a towel and a locker-key.

One of the most frequent questions that I would get asked by guys as they’re coming in is – Is it busy?

Obviously, some nights are busier than others. But the answer is also relative – if it’s 2 AM on a Tuesday night, how busy do you expect it to be?

What I’ve found, however, is that your chances of getting laid really aren’t increased by whether or not there’s a lot of other guys in the bathhouse. You tend to find that if it’s busy, there’s a lot more wandering around, trying to figure out where the best action is. When things are a bit quieter, the vibe is a bit more relaxed and you’re just as likely to find the right guy to give you what you’re looking for.

4. Douching is something that all guys should know about

I’m not particularly squeamish – the reality of anal sex is that sometimes things can get a bit messy. But, working in a bathhouse, I’ve seen a lot of shit in places where shit really isn’t supposed to be. It’s undeniably a bit of a boner-killer.

What this indicates is that guys are going to a bathhouse and looking for anal sex, but not necessarily doing the preparation required. You’ve got to be feeling clean and confident.

While it’s true that you can get fucked quite successfully without have douched in advance, if you’re going to get fucked in a relatively public space it’s a good idea to make sure that you’re cleaned-out and good to go.

A portable douche is a sensible investment. Another option is to use a decent-sized dildo to work yourself over before heading to the bathhouse. This will ensure that you’re clean, confident, and stretched and ready for action.

5. Knowledge about STIs is still really patchy

If you’re sexually active and you’re not necessarily having monogamous sex with the same partner every time, then you need to be getting regularly tested for STIs. It’s that simple.

I’m constantly surprised by the guys using the bathhouse who seem to think that they’re somehow immune from STIs, or that the rules about testing don’t apply to them.

Even if you don’t identify as gay, you’re still susceptible to STIs. Also, you may be protected against HIV through PrEP or TasP, but that doesn’t protect you against other STIs such as gonorrhoea or shigella. I even had one guy ask me if you could catch HIV by sharing a bottle of poppers.

Educate yourself. Get tested. Get tested regularly.