A beginner's guide to threesomes
Simple steps to ensure that everyone has a good time.
A bit of one-on-one man-on-man action is great, but add a few more bodies into the mix and things can get really interesting.
A good entry point into the group-sex experience is a threesome.
News
Here’s a beginner’s guide.
Initiating a Threesome
Start the conversation
Sex between two people can involve a lot of feelings and emotions - the more people you add, the more complicated it can get.
There’s a couple basic threesome scenarios:
- You’re part of a couple and one of you suggests inviting someone to join you.
- A couple invites you to come over for some fun.
- You’re hooking up with a guy and he suggests inviting a friend to join the fun.
In each of those scenarios, it’s important to give the other party space to consider their response. You also need to respect the feelings of the other people involved. If you’re suggesting a threesome, and you’re getting a lukewarm response, don’t force the issue – everyone needs to be on board.
Finding a third
Before you start your search, you need to be clear in your own mind exactly what you’re looking for.
In terms of arranging a threesome, or finding guys who fit the brief of what you’re looking for, hook-up apps are probably the most effective and efficient strategy.
Hook-up apps are a low-risk approach – everything can be discussed in advance, and you can discontinue discussions with anyone who isn’t on the same page.
Sex parties, bathhouses, saunas, and sex-on-premises venues are another solid option. The slight challenge with sex-on-premises venues is that you might end up with more people involved than you’d initially anticipated.
From an emotional standpoint, things tend to get most complicated when a threesome happens organically. For example, if you’re friends with a couple, you have a few drinks, and you all end up in bed together. You’re probably all acting on some underlying attraction and connection, so it can be harder to know what the boundaries are in terms of your threesome fun.
If you’re in a couple and decide that you’d like to try a threesome, hiring a sex-worker is a really sensible approach. An experienced sex-worker will ensure that everyone feels comfortable and that everyone is having a good time. Once the job is done, there’s no emotional complexity to navigate.
The communication challenge
It’s not uncommon for one partner to be more interested in the idea of a threesome than the other. If you're suggesting a threesome but your partner doesn't seem so keen, you're going to need to talk it out before inviting anyone else into the bedroom.
Everyone's relationship is different, and relationships evolve in different ways and at their own pace. You've got to figure out what works for you.
Some relationships begin with a monogamous phase. Once you've established the relationship and built a level of trust with each other, it's fairly normal to start talking about what non-monogamy might look like for you both.
A good starting point is to explore that as a couple - experimenting with a threesome is an easy entry-level encounter. But how do you go about that?
Watch porn together
Watching porn together is a great way to have the conversation about how you'd navigate a threesome as a couple.
Share your thoughts and feelings as you're watching threesome porn. Does that turn you on? Which of these guys would you want to be? What kind of guy would work best for us in a threesome?
Use your words
Don't try and second-guess what each other is thinking or what might be turn-ons or turn-offs. The more you can discuss and share your thoughts and feelings, the easier it will be to ensure that you're both on the same page in terms of a threesome and that you're both looking for the same kind of experience.
If one of you is more keen for the threesome than the other, then you need to have a conversation about that. Keep circling back to that question of "what does non-monogamy mean for our relationship together?"
Hit the hook-up apps
Start sending some DMs and see who is out there that might be a good fit for you. You're not committing to anything but it might help to push your conversation along if you're looking at actual guys and deciding whether that's the energy that you're looking for as your third.
Give it a try
Honestly, what's the worst that can happen? You have an experience together that you can discuss and laugh about afterwards.
Invite a guy over, get naked, have some fun. You'll learn a lot about each other and your relationship when you add a threesome into the mix.
Getting good reviews
A good threesome requires that everyone is paying attention to everyone else. Regularly check in with each other – verbal communication is really important to ensure that everyone is feeling part of the action and is having a good time, but you can also get a good sense of where everyone is at through their non-verbal communication.
Not everyone has to be doing the same thing but you want to ensure that everyone is getting their needs met – that they’re getting what they wanted out of the threesome.
Try and take your time – take breaks, stay hydrated, keep communicating.
Repeat business
If you’ve hooked up with a couple for a threesome, you’re generally referred to as "the third" – you’re the extra guy that’s not part of the couple.
In many ways, you get all the fun without any of the complexity that comes from being in a relationship.
But how do you make sure that you make a good impression with the couple that you’ve had fun with? How do you make sure that you’re invited back for more?
- Recognise that you’re the guest. Don’t invite them to your place – go to theirs for the hook-up. You’re on their territory, physically and emotionally.
- Make sure that you’re into both of your hosts. If you’re into one half of the couple but not so much the other, then that’s not going to make for a good threesome. If they only come as a package deal, then you need to be into the entire package.
- Find out what they’re looking for. Do they want to fuck you? Do they want you to fuck them? Does one want to just watch? The more you know about the dynamics that will rock their world, the easier it is to deliver on those expectations.
- Know your boundaries. Be clear with yourself what you’re prepared to do and what you’re not prepared to do. Just because there’s two of them doesn’t mean they get to dictate your boundaries.
News
Gareth Johnson