Is porn the problem?

A recent survey by the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) has found that 53% of therapists have seen a rise in people seeking help for problematic pornography use.

The survey report defines "problematic pornography use" as "interfering with their life or driving them to seek out more extreme content".

When we talk about "driving them to seek out more extreme content", it's in the sense that watching porn is perceived as a slippery slope. It's a sentiment that we can probably all relate to - we get a bit desensitised, we're always looking for something fresh to fuel our fantasies. While there's nothing more than anecdotal evidence to suggest that this slippery slope encourages men to watch extreme or illegal content, most of us will be familiar with the post-nut clarity of realising that what got us off was something we probably shouldn't have been watching.

The question of "interfering with their life" is a bit harder to pin down. Examples given include porn-related erectile dysfunction, social isolation, relationship problems, or depression and anxiety. There's no empirical evidence to support any cause-and-effect analysis - it's highly likely that in many instances porn use becomes a coping mechanism or a distraction from whatever the underlying issue might be.

But top-line statistics about a dramatic rise in "problematic pornography use" is headline-grabbing stuff, with plenty of experts quick to call on the UK government to implement some kind of porn strategy to tackle what is often described as "porn addiction" - broadly characterising adults accessing adult entertainment as inherently problematic.

The underlying assumption is clearly that watching porn leads to harms. Those harms may be vague, unquantifiable, and anecdotal, but it feeds strongly into the "protect the children" narrative that gives a lot of traction to conservative policy makers.

The BACP itself has a relatively nuanced approach to how therapists encounter use of porn in a therapy setting - highlighting that the consensus is that "problematic porn use" is better described as a compulsion not an addiction, and that "fit-for-purpose sex education, teaching pornography literacy and psychoeducation, and welcoming dialogue are vital".

Undeniably, our relationship with porn is an example of where our online or digital interactions intersect with our real-world experiences. It's not the only example, but it has the most impact in media headlines.

By focusing on something as simple and understandable as porn, policy makers are able to avoid having to dig into the much more challenging question of how is the internet changing us as individuals, communities, and societies? Pointing at porn and calling it the problem is a lot more palatable than suggesting that maybe we're experiencing a fundamental breakdown in how we think and feel as humans.

The consequences of capitalism

While the world that we live in today is very different from that inhabited by the homo sapiens that first emerged around 300,000 years ago, our basic DNA is unchanged.

We are social creatures. Although we can spend time alone, we are strongest when we form extended family connections and live in communities. While we can exist as long as we have food, water, and sleep, we thrive when we experience joy and pleasure, and also when we have a sense of purpose - that we are working towards something that matters.

The rise of individualism and the prioritisation of the nuclear family has created a way of living that is in many ways the antithesis of our evolutionary programming.

What we're seeing - in terms of the "outcomes" of violence and misogyny, and the "problem" of alienation is the results of societal change - a societal change that has been underpinned by christo-nationalism.

What happens to humans when they don't grow up within an extended family structure? What happens to humans when they don't feel connected to any sort of community? What happens to humans when they don't have a sense of purpose?

The evidence suggests that if humans feel alienated then behavioural disorders kick in.

Porn isn't a driver of societal change - it's an outlet, it's a source of sexual release in a world where men are starved of physical and emotional intimacy.

But instead of trying to understand the underlying societal changes that we're all trying to navigate, porn is being used as a convenient scapegoat - banning porn is seen as not only "a solution" but "the solution".

The agenda against porn

Adding fuel to the fire of this anti-porn crusade is the rise of socially conservative christo-nationalism in the US. Their call to arms may be "think of the children" but their motivator is control - the policing of thought, desire, and pleasure.

Around the world, we're already seeing increasing regulation and attempts to control the production, distribution, and accessibility of porn. The momentum for the regulation and restriction of adult entertainment appears to be increasing - the world seems to be shifting towards a consensus that adults can't be trusted to watch porn.

History shows us that attempts to restrict access to adult entertainment pushes porn underground and increases the risks for everyone involved, but it seems like everyone wants to turn the clock back to the 1950s and we're all about to experience our trad-wife era.

As governments try to explain and justify to you why you're miserable, ask yourself - is your porn use problematic, or has capitalism fucked you over?

Reclaiming our humanity

Politicians may want simple cause-and-effect solutions in an attempt to win the news-cycle of the day, but the challenges that we're trying to navigate have been centuries in the making. There is nothing on the horizon that looks like it will slow the momentum of the industrial and technological change driving the societal disconnects that we're experiencing.

But we do not need to be victims. We have agency. We know what it means to be human.

A starting point for each of us is community. Wherever you live, whatever work you do, you need to find ways to connect with others. Community-building takes time and may often feel fruitless, but it's essential if we are to anchor ourselves in a confusing and uncertain world.

Intimacy is another essential building block. Intimacy begins with yourself - masturbation is essential for physical and emotional health - and can then extend to others. Both emotional and physical intimacy are essential. Physical intimacy doesn't have to be sexual - don't underestimate the power of touch. A simple hug can show someone that they are safe, that they are seen, that they are valued.

Sex is something that we need to reclaim - and pornography is part of that. Let's proactively talk about sex and celebrate sex. Nothing makes us feel as connected and delivers as much pleasure as a sexual encounter. Let's talk about pornography and how it connects to the sexual experience and the fantasies that fuel our desire.

Perhaps most importantly, we need empathy. Media headlines are often driven by stories of young men who are angry and lashing out, but let's recognise that we've built a world which is at odds with everything that young men need for healthy development and growth. We all know what alienation and isolation feels like. Let's use that shared experience to connect and care for each other.