Feeling a bit bicurious?
Here's how straight guys can navigate some man-on-man action.
If you’re a guy who usually has sex with women, but you’re a bit bi-curious – at some stage, you’re probably going to want to explore that side of your sexuality and get a taste of some man-on-man action.
For lots of reasons, crossing that line can be a pretty big deal for a lot of guys. Turning those fantasies into reality may seem like a great idea when you’re horned-up, but how do you know that it’s something that you really want to follow through on? How do you even go about getting your hands on some dick?
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How do I know if I'm bicurious?
If this is a question that you’re pondering, it’s fairly likely that your dick is telling you what you want and your brain is in catch-up mode.
Human sexuality is fairly complex. What’s increasingly clear is that trying to label everything into neat little boxes isn’t particularly helpful for anyone.
Some flags that might help point you in the bicurious direction could include:
- What sort of porn are you watching? You may not be watching gay porn or even bisexual porn, but if you're watching straight porn and focusing in on the guys in the action, that might be telling you something.
- Where do your eyes go in the locker-room? It might only be happening subconsciously, but if you're paying close attention to the guys that are getting changed around you, that might be telling you something.
- What are you doing online? If you find yourself checking out dudes on the dating apps, that might be telling you something.
- What erogenous zones are you exploring? If you're masturbating and a bit of ass-play is what really gets you fired up, that might be telling you something.
If these kind of flags are being waved in your direction, and you're starting to wonder what would happen if you got naked with another dude, that doesn’t automatically make you gay, or bisexual, or anything else – it just means that you’re a guy who has sexual needs and that you’re open to exploring your options.
That’s cool. Just because you’re thinking about it doesn’t mean that it has to happen, but if you’re consciously open to the prospect of a bit of guy-fun then there’s plenty of ways in which you can scratch that itch.
Can I keep my hookups with dudes on the down-low?
Exploring your sexual fantasies is a lot of fun, and sometimes it can enhance the excitement to know that you’ve got some sexy secrets – that no one knows what you’re getting up to on the side.
That may be a bit complicated if you’re in a relationship of some kind. When there’s other people involved – such as a wife or a girlfriend – then it’s healthy and respectful to take their emotional needs into consideration as you embark on your sexual explorations.
You may be in the kind of relationship where your partner will be totally up for exploring some bisexual encounters with you. Or it may be a bit of a deal-breaker. That’s something that you’re going to need to figure out and navigate – if you can do that upfront then that’s a lot more straightforward than having to explain after the fact why you’ve been dicking down dudes on the down-low.
How can I meet guys for some bisexual experiences?
While the golden age of cruising may be in the past, there’s still plenty of adult bookstores and truck-stops where it’s easy enough to find other guys who are up for mutual jerking off or a bit of fun through the glory holes.
Cruising options are popular with guys who are looking for sex with other men but wanting to keep it all fairly anonymous and transactional.
Put the technology to work - there's plenty of apps and online options that will help you find busy cruising spots or dudes looking for some no-questions-asked action.
Bathhouses, gay saunas, and sex-on-premises venues are also a good starting point. Everyone is here to get off, and you can get the job done without a lot of conversation.
What if I’m nervous about having sex with another guy?
We’re at our most vulnerable when we’re putting ourselves into sexual situations – especially if it’s your first time or if you’re exploring something that you’re still a bit uncertain about.
How you handle that depends a bit on the context. If you’re one-on-one with another guy, it’s better to be honest about your lack of experience. No one is going to think less of you - asking for a bit of patience and understanding will ensure that you’re on the same page and moving at the same pace.
If you’re at a cruising spot or somewhere like a bathhouse, you might want to just sit back a bit and get a feel for how things work. No one is going to pressure you into doing something that you’re not ready to do – you might just observe for the first couple of times. Take your time, there’s no rush.
Generally, your body will know what to do. If you’re turned on, your cock will be hard and your instincts will kick in. However, if you’re still mentally processing whether exploring bisexual encounters with guys is something you should be doing, you may not get hard and you may not cum. That happens a lot – it doesn’t mean anything, just that maybe you need a bit more time to figure yourself out.
What if I’m not sure whether I’m gay or bisexual?
It’s best not to overthink this kind of stuff. Do a bit of reading and you’ll quickly see that human sexuality is complex and there’s still lots that we don’t know about what shapes our desires.
Don’t start with a label and try to fit yourself into that box. Start with what makes you feel good. Give yourself permission to grow and evolve – don’t be constrained by other people’s perception of you.
If you’re fantasising about a bit of guy-on-guy action, what’s stopping you from making those fantasies a reality?
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Gareth Johnson