Fringe Spotlight: Bi Meets World
Maxx Eddy tackles what it means to be a real man.
Ahead of his Edinburgh Fringe debut with Bi Meets World, we caught up with Maxx Eddy for a behind-the-scenes look at this show.
You talk about adopting an "alpha-male" persona when you were growing up - what were the representations of masculinity that were shaping your world view at that time?
It was mostly observing the way that my dad interacted with people and copying that.
He was very quick to anger, and it seemed to make him feel strong. He would get angry in traffic, watching sports and one time I watched him chew out a McDonald's employee for giving him regular instead of large fries.
So, when I dealt with friction in my life, anger was a two-fold solution: I didn't have to confront more complex emotions, and it made me feel that I was living how my side of the species should. It made me feel like I was one of the boys, just like my dad.
Your show explores your realisation that your alpha-male masculinity was performative. How do you describe your masculinity today?
It's a much quieter masculinity now. I used to very much crave conflict - I'm not proud of how many times I've incited conflict with straight men in bars - and it's embarrassing to think about.
I try to define who I am as a man by how much I help others, and I think I'm getting better at embracing that and exorcising that tendency towards conflict.
You've explored the complexities of being a bisexual man. How has embracing the "bisexual" label shaped your experience of navigating the search for intimacy?
It's generally made it better, but it's been more complicated than I anticipated.
Being in the closet sucks, but it's at least simple - I can't tell anyone about this part of me. Now, I get to be myself, but - if I'm interested in someone - I have to wonder if my bisexuality is something they're comfortable with.
I've found that most people are, but the fear that they won't be can make it tough for me to put myself out there.
Given the journey that you've been on, are there any insights or lessons that you wish that you'd learned earlier? Anything that you wish you could tell your younger-self?
I wish I could show my younger-self that most of what he thinks it means to be a man is contrived.
I spent so, so long living a rigid, closed-off, angry existence, finding ways to feed my ego rather than feed my soul, and it cost me years of happiness.
I feel like I'm living fully and openly now, but who wouldn't want to start that life a couple of years earlier?
What do you hope that people feel when they come to see your show, Bi Meets World?
Well, firstly, I hope they laugh. Comedy has been such an amazing tool for cutting down my ego and forcing me to reflect on who I was and how I've changed, and I hope that I can help others to find joy in their faults.
I also hope people walk away wanting to take a peek inside their own heads, just to see if there are any unnecessary insecurities lingering about.
Bi Meets World will run at the Gilded Balloon from 5-31 August
Gareth Johnson