How do the sexual fantasies of gay men differ from straight men?
Apart from the obvious, of course.
Human sexuality is complex - I'm always fascinated by any insights into what makes us all tick. For example, what makes gay men different from straight men?
Apart from the obvious aspects where our experiences diverge – gay men generally have sex with men, straight men generally have sex with women – there's also much of the sexual terrain where we are all on the same page.
One point of difference between gay men and straight men might be sexual fantasies.
Research suggests that gay men have more erotic fantasies than straight men.
Clearly, more work needs to be done to understand why this might be the case, but gay men appear to be more likely to be turned on by sexual fantasies - we are letting our imagination fuel our desire both when we’re masturbating by ourselves and also when we’re having sex with other people.
Let’s take a look at some of the specific sexual fantasies that gay men are really into.
Gay men fantasise about having more than one sexual partner
Researchers have found that fantasies about having sex with multiple partners is something that is more common for gay men than it is for straight men. Men that identify as bisexual also lean heavily into the multiple partner fantasy.
One fantasy that both gay men and straight men respond to is cheating on your partner – being unfaithful. A particularly popular aspect of this fantasy is cuckolding – when you know that your partner is having sex with someone else and the humiliation of that is a turn-on for you.
Gay men tend to be more into fantasies about group sex, and also voyeurism.
Having unprotected sex with multiple partners used to be a popular fantasy for gay men, but now – with the advancements in the treatment and prevention of HIV – that is likely to be less significant now that bareback sex is the norm and not a kink or fetish.
Fetish fun plays a prominent role in the sexual fantasies of gay men
Researchers have found that fetish and BDSM is a strong driver of the sexual fantasies of gay men – much more so than for straight men.
Again, the visual aspect of fetish-play is important for gay men – leather, uniforms, and wrestling singlets all deliver a strong sexual response in gay men.
Gay men are also very into the equipment and toys that are associated with fetish play and BDSM. But more vanilla sex-toys are also appealing to gay men – dildos, prostate massagers, and masturbation aids are all readily embraced by gay men.
Gay men may just be better at sex than straight men
Researchers have suggested that gay men are likely to be more comfortable about talking about sex and fantasies than straight men and that this results in higher levels of sexual satisfaction. If straight men aren’t as open to exploring different aspects of sexual pleasure then they are more likely to feel sexually frustrated.
Gay men also have a long history of exploring the use of drugs to help reduce sexual inhibition. From the relatively harmless, such as poppers, through to MDMA, and the range of more harmful drugs associated with chemsex.
The power dynamics of sexual encounters can also be an important factor. While gay men frequently explore power dynamics within a sexual encounter – Top versus Bottom, Dom versus Sub – the boundaries of these dynamics are generally clearly understood and contained within fantasy. Straight men are more likely to associate sex with control which can often spill over into abusive and dysfunctional behaviour.