Why do we fetishise straight guys?
There's something about getting a guy to cross those boundaries that is a total turn-on.
It's one of the classic fantasies - a guy that is "straight" is curious enough or somehow persuaded to try a bit of man-on-man action with a gay dude who knows exactly what he's doing.
Sure, there's a lot to unpack with this fantasy - it's mostly driven by internalised homophobia - but let's not overthink it. Hook-ups with "straight guys" are part of our sexual landscape and it's something we all need to figure out how to navigate.
Gareth Johnson
Why might a straight guy be into having sex with a dude?
Human sexuality is a fairly complex construct. We’re not here to question anyone’s sexuality or undermine how they identify. There’s plenty of men that have sex with men who don’t identify as gay. That’s cool, whatever works for you.
There’s lots of reasons or circumstances in which a guy who identifies as straight might be open to or turned on by the prospect of a man-on-man encounter.
For some guys, it might be about availability. If you’re a single guy who’s horned-up and wants his cock sucked, knowing that you can find some no-questions-asked action at a local glory-hole may be an easier option than trying to navigate conversations on hetero dating apps.
It might be a case of right place/right time. A gym-bro who is kicking back in the sauna after a heavy workout might be in the right kind of head-space where he could be open to a helping hand from a guy that appreciates his physique.
If a straight guy is not getting the sex they need from their hetero relationship, they may convince themselves that it’s not cheating if they’re just getting their rocks off with another guy. Gay hook-up culture and cruising opportunities offer no-strings-attached anonymous action. A straight guy can easily find willing holes where they can drop a load with no baggage. That’s not cheating, right?
Some guys just fall into the “curious” category. Maybe they’ve been watching some MMF porn, or perhaps they had some experiences when they were younger and want to revisit that, or maybe they’ve just been wondering what some level of intimacy with another man would feel like.
Ultimately, if a straight guy wants to have sex with you, their motivating factors are their business. You just need to decide whether or not you’re into it.
Spoiler alert - you're probably going to be into it.
How can you identify a straight guy who might be open to a bit of gay sex?
One of the things that we know about male sexuality is that it’s generally fairly binary. Most guys are sexually aroused by women, and a small percentage of us are sexually aroused by men.
If a guy tells you that he’s straight, you may as well accept that at face-value and turn your attention elsewhere.
However, if a guy is saying that he’s not gay but is giving you pretty clear signals that he’d be open to a bit of man-on-man action, then there’s every chance that he’ll be up for some fun - if you play your cards right.
Why do gay guys want to have sex with straight guys?
This isn’t the time or place to try and unpack the internalised homophobia that generally underpins the sexual appeal of a straight guy.
These are the guys that bullied us at school, these are the guys that were picked first on the sports team, these are the guys that we tried not to get caught staring at in the locker-room. It can feel like some sort of release or vindication to realise that we’re not that different – he also likes dick.
Being obsessed with straight guys isn’t particularly healthy. It feeds the Masc4Masc bullshit that presents “straight-acting” as being somehow more desirable.
Personally, I’m very proud to call myself a faggot – I’m interested in sucking your cock, not having a discussion about where you sit on the Kinsey Scale.
Gareth Johnson
How to have gay sex with straight men
Build a bromance
A straight guy who could be open to some man-on-man action may feel more comfortable crossing that line if you’ve already established a level of trust.
Bromances can be a beautiful thing – you like each other, you enjoy spending time together. Your emotional intimacy could develop into physical intimacy.
Take it slow
One of the frustrating things about having sex with a straight guy is that you really have to let him set the pace. He’s doing some complicated emotional gymnastics to navigate his sexuality – if you try and rush him into anything, you’ll most likely just scare him off and it will be game-over.
He’s going to want you to be available but not needy. You’re pretty much going to have to let him make the first move.
Create opportunities
You can help things along by looking for opportunities for the two of you to be alone together. Maybe you hit the gym together, or he comes over to watch a movie, or you go for a run and then back to yours for a shower. This is putting your “available but not needy” strategy into action.
Show him the ropes
He may have already had some man-on-man experience, but chances are that you’ve had a lot more than him. It’s important to let him take the lead on how things unfold but also guide him as to what feels good and what doesn’t push your buttons. Communication is really key – even if it’s the non-verbal kind.
He may have a perception or an expectation of what he’d like to happen, so start there. As he relaxes and becomes more confident, it’s likely that he’ll be open to trying new things.
On the down-low
You might not be in the closet, but he probably is – you need to respect that. He probably won’t want anyone else to know that you’re fucking - he may not even acknowledge you if he sees you on the street.
If that doesn’t work for you then you shouldn’t be fucking a straight man.
Embrace the secrecy and intrigue – sometimes it can be fun to be the bit on the side.
Gareth Johnson
Gareth Johnson