Terrence Howard highlights the damage that "masculinity" does to men

The story itself is a bit of a nothingburger. Terrence Howard is an actor. In a recent podcast episode, he talked about why he turned down playing the role of Marvin Gaye in a biopic about the iconic singer's life.

“I can’t play that character 100%..." explained Howard. "I can’t surrender myself to a place that I don’t understand.”

Howard was specifically referencing that he wouldn't be able to play a character that was a gay man.

“That would fuck me...” said Howard. “I would cut my lips off. If I kissed some man, I would cut my lips off.”

On one hand, who cares that Terrence Howard doesn't want to play characters? There's plenty of actors that do. You could say that it reflects poorly on Howard's skills as an actor - maybe he doesn't have the range? He's not new to the business - he's been working in the industry since 1992, he was nominated for an Academy Award in 2005 - but that doesn't mean that he's not insecure about his ability to embody a character that he doesn't have a personal connection to.

But when you've got a well-known actor making public statements like "I would cut my lips off" - and it's getting reported widely - there's a lot to unpack there.

An obvious explanation could be internalised homophobia. For anyone to have such a violent response to the thought of kissing another man suggests that their masculinity is very fragile - they clearly don't have a very strong sense of self or any confidence in their sexuality.

Terrence Howard identifies as a straight man. He's married three different women and he's fathered five children. He's also a violent man - in 2000, he was arrested for assaulting a flight attendant. In 2001, he was arrested for assaulting his wife. In 2011, his wife was granted a restraining order against him on the grounds of physical abuse. He seems to be a troubled man - he's clearly got some trauma to work through. His therapy sessions are likely to be interesting.

It's the way that Howard's comments have been reported and discussed that is worth more focus than whatever personal crises of identity that he's grappling with.

The narrative is that a straight man - such as Howard - wouldn't feel comfortable portraying a gay character because it would undermine his masculinity.

We've got to put to one side that we're talking about an actor, whose job is to literally pretend to be someone else. But what men like Terrence Howard are saying is that if people think that they might be gay then that would undermine their masculinity.

Masculinity is a made up thing - it's a social construct. When a guy is talking about his masculinity, he's talking about the norms of behaviour that he feels society expects of him.

A discussion that infers that a perception that you might be gay would undermine your masculinity, assumes that masculinity is the preserve of straight men, or that there is a hierarchy of masculinity and straight masculinity is more desirable or worthy than gay masculinity. Either way, the assumption is inherently homophobic and unhelpful. Just because your definition of masculinity doesn't allow for men to kiss other men doesn't make it any more valid than my definition of masculinity that does. We're disagreeing over a made-up thing that has no definitive or objective definition.

For me, the comments made by Terrence Howard illustrate how emotionally isolated "straight" men are. If your version of masculinity shuts you off from any form of intimacy with other men, you are going to feel alienated, lonely, and disconnected from the world around you.

As humans, we need to connect with each other. That doesn't have to be a sexual connection, but touch is really powerful - it plays a really vital role in helping us to regulate our nervous systems, reducing physical and emotional stress, making us feel safe, and reminding us that we're not alone.

I feel sad for men like Terrence Howard. I feel sad for men that have constructed a cage of masculinity around themselves that shuts them off from physical intimacy with other men. I'd offer to give them a hug, but I wouldn't want anyone to think that they were gay - they're too fragile for that.