Kink 1.01: The boyfriend experience
Do some men really get off on pretending to be in a relationship?
It's a term that was first coined by sex-workers. I think it was women that first articulated it - a lot of escorts will list a "girlfriend experience" as one of the available services, which is mirrored by gay sex-workers offering a "boyfriend experience".
In a sex-worker context, when you're paying for a "boyfriend experience" you're getting something different than just a transactional sexual encounter. What you're getting is a sex-worker who will pretend to be your boyfriend - you are paying them to pretend to be your boyfriend.
It can still be quite a brief encounter, but you might go out for a drink with them, or have dinner, or it might all happen in a hotel room. The vibe that they'll give you is that they have emotional feelings for you. They'll show you tenderness and affection, and you can pretend that you're in a relationship together - even if it's a relationship that ends when the hour is up.
It was my friend Will that revealed to me that the boyfriend experience wasn't only limited to sex-worker transactions.
Gareth Johnson
I was taking some naked photos of Will and after the photo-shoot he was going to meet up with a guy and spend the night with him. They'd agreed that they'd both be into a boyfriend experience.
I had questions. Will is married. The man he was going to be having the boyfriend experience with wasn't his husband. He wasn't in a relationship with the man he was going to meet and had no intention of being in a relationship with him. It was just a role-play that they were both into. A kink that they were going to explore together.
"He's going to tell me he loves me while he cums in me..." explained Will, as I quizzed him on how the boyfriend experience works for him.
It sounded hot. Maybe a little emotionally confusing, but hot.
You may not be looking for a relationship, and you may be perfectly satisfied with transactional, no-strings attached sexual encounters. But sometimes it can feel really good to experience some emotional intimacy without the complications of "dating" or "getting serious" with a guy.
How do I access the "boyfriend experience" with a guy?
The simplest way would be to hire a sex-worker who is offering that service.
The good thing about putting your toe in the water with a sex-worker is that it's an easy way to explore whether this is a kink that resonates with you.
If you come away from that encounter hungry for more no-strings-attached emotional intimacy, you can continue booking sex-workers or you can look to access that through other avenues.
Update the bio for your online dating platforms and hook-up apps. Let guys know that you're into kissing, you're into making a connection, you're into taking your time and having the kind of intense sexual connection possible when you're both present and in the moment. Let guys know that you want all of that but you're not interested in dating or anything serious.
Let guys know that you want them to cum in you while they tell you that they love you.
The boyfriend experience. It's a kink. Get into it.
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Gareth Johnson