Do gay men know how to be happy?

As gay men, it's important not to underestimate how our very existence within a heteronormative world completely fucks us over.

Consciously and subconsciously, everything we do and experience is measured against and contrasted with the way that straight people navigate life.

Relationships, family, careers, and the goals and objectives that we set ourselves are all defined by the norms and expectations of the straight world.

The same goes for happiness.

If you're feeling happy, you're generally experiencing feelings of joy, contentment, and fulfilment.

You're not feeling those things in isolation - you're feeling all of that simultaneously - "joy" plus "contentment" plus "fulfilment" - you're not only feeling good but also you have a sense that your life has meaning and purpose.

It's the meaning and purpose aspects of happiness that generally trip gay men up because by default we assume that the indicators of "meaning and purpose" that straight people respond positively to also apply to us.

You have a high-status job, you're making good money, you're in a relationship, you own a house, you have a nice car. You're ticking all of the boxes that you've been taught that you should be ticking, but why aren't you happy?

The flip-side is equally confusing. Drugs make you feel good. Sex makes you feel good. Being desired makes you feel good. Getting lots of likes on Insta makes you feel good. But where is the meaning and purpose in your life? What does any of it mean? What's it all for?

You don't have to dig too deep into the psyche of any gay man before you reveal the existential dread that we're all trying to run from. Why aren't I happy? What would make me happy? What am I doing with my life?

The difficult thing is that there's no easy answers when it comes to figuring out how to feel happier about who you are and how you're navigating life.

For most of us, probably a good starting point is to lean into your humanity. Whatever our sexuality, we're social creatures. We need to feel seen and valued. We need to feel connected. We need emotional and physical intimacy.

Look for opportunities to build community. Find other people who are interested in things that you're interested in. Spend time sharing your passions with like-minded people.

If you can't articulate what you're passionate about - start there. Try new things. Explore new interests. Find something that you can geek out about or that gets your heart pumping.

Try to avoid focusing on the indicators of success that everyone else is trying to live by. Your life has meaning and purpose regardless of what job you have, what house you live in, the car you drive, or your relationship status.

Above all, be gay. Being gay is awesome.