Masturbation

What I've learnt about men through communal masturbation

Guys let their guard down when you're sharing a stroke-session.

Gareth Johnson

21 Oct 2026 • 6 min read

In 2024, I started hosting Masturbation and Mindfulness events. They're effectively circle-jerks and I'm now hosting them pretty much on a monthly basis.

It's taken me a while to find my groove with these events - I've experimented with a few variations on the format - but I'm now at a point where I feel like I know what I'm doing and that I can facilitate a communal masturbation experience that will resonate with the men in the room.

I sell tickets to these sessions - anyone can buy a ticket. I sell a maximum of 16 tickets per event - then, with the inevitable last-minute cancellations and no-shows, it's usually about 10 guys that turn up on the day. Each group is different but it's usually about 50/50 guys that I've met at previous events and some new faces. The age-range can be anywhere from 20s to 60s - mostly it's guys that would identify as queer, but there have been straight guys that enjoy the energy of communal masturbation.

Some of the stuff that I've learnt is basic event management. When people sign up to an event or a workshop, they want structure and they want someone to set the tone. As the host, I have to be switched-on, I have to be present, I have to appear confident and in control even if I'm not feeling particularly confident or in control.

I've also learnt things about myself. I can command a room. I can make people feel safe, relaxed, and welcome. I can use humour to build rapport and establish trust. These aren't attributes that I've ever previously associated with myself.

What my experience of hosting communal masturbation events has taught me about men in general is a bit harder to pin down.

Lots of guys respond really well to structured intimacy. It feels like we're all a bit on the spectrum and navigating our anxieties. Knowing that there is a framework which enables us to explore intimacy in a controlled way can be a bit of a safety blanket.

Lots of guys aren't focused on anal sex. While there's not actually any rule at my events that prohibits anal sex, the vibe of communal masturbation is generally cock-focused not butt-focused. If you're not into fucking or being fucked, knowing that anal sex is effectively off the table can help you to feel more relaxed about getting naked and leaning into a sexual connection with other men.

Lots of guys are looking for sexual encounters that include a sense of connection. Hook-up app culture seems to foster a transactional approach to sex - you get validation by swiping and DM-ing and ghosting. You might hook-up and have sex with someone, but it's a notch on your belt rather than a connection that meant something in the moment. You're probably not going to make a meaningful connection with everyone at a communal masturbation session, but you're not being assessed on your profile pic - you will make eye contact, you will have conversation, you will feel part of something. Feeling part of something is really powerful.

If you're in London, come along and give it a try sometime. Masturbation & Mindfulness happens pretty much once-a-month, generally on a Sunday, at my studio in Hoxton.

A guide to communal masturbation

Grease up and get ready to lend a hand.

What is a circle-jerk?

A circle-jerk is pretty much what it says on the tin – a group of guys getting together and jacking off.

There’s also an exhibitionist element to the circle jerk. You’re not just jacking off in the privacy of your bedroom – you’re getting naked in front of other guys. You’re putting on a show.

Are circle-jerks gay?

Perhaps surprisingly, men of all sexualities can really enjoy a circle-jerk.

At their core, circle-jerks bring together a group of guys to engage in communal masturbation.

Whether you’re just stroking your own cock with other guys in the room, or your circle-jerk involves some mutual stroking, there’s no need to put a label on it if you don’t want to - it doesn't need to be that deep or complicated.

Can you suck dick during a circle-jerk?

There aren't really any defined rules for a circle-jerk. If it's just something that's happened organically in the gym sauna, you just need to read the room. If someone has organised the circle-jerk, then the host may specify some guidelines or set the vibe of the event.

Depending on where you live, you might have access to circle-jerk parties. These might have specific formats you need to follow – for example, they might have a rule that it’s all about jacking off and nothing else. But they’ll make that reasonably clear before you get started.

Can you use hook-up apps to arrange circle-jerks?

Use the technology and make it clear in your hook-up app profile that you're looking to connect with other guys for a circle-jerk.

If a guy has flagged in his profile that he's a bator or just generally enthusiastic about masturbation, send him a DM and see if a circle-jerk would push his buttons.

If you're in London, we host a monthly circle-jerk for a small group of guys. Come along and be part of the fun!