What if we combined masturbation with mindfulness?
Let's get to grips with this important topic.
Okay, I admit that I am quite prone to tooting my own horn the Masturbation & Mindfulness events are going very well - the second one has been a smash!
This is part of the series of events that I'm organising as part of my podcast, Naked Men Talking.
It was a similar format to the premiere event - 9 guys, sitting in a circle on the floor in my living room.
I used the Naked Mates platform to recruit attendees. I had one guy who had been at the inaugural event, 3 guys who had been to other events that I've hosted, and 4 guys who I hadn't met before. Plus myself.
These events are popular - I'm turning people away as I simply don't have the space in my flat to accommodate all of the guys that want to attend. I think what makes it an appealing prospect is the combination of being a small group event, a focus on masturbation, and that it's not a sex party - we're getting intimate with ourselves, not with each other. There's no pressure or expectation about having to have sex with other guys - there's no anxiety of rejection.
The mindfulness
On arrival - as instructed - everyone stripped down to their t-shirt and underwear.
I'd set up nine individual stations of a towel and a cushion in a circle on the floor and everyone selected a position as they arrived.
I had the meditation music going and the lights dimmed. Once everyone was in position on the floor, we started with some initial introductory questions - just going around the circle giving one-word answers: When did you last masturbate? Where did you last masturbate? How did you fuel your fantasies?
We then moved into some breathing exercises - just simple inhales and exhales, adding a pelvic-floor clench as a progression.
Next, we stood up, continued the breathing and began exploring our bodies with some self-massage.
The next step was to remove our t-shirts and continue to explore our bodies. We then removed our underwear, and connected with our cocks and began to stroke.
I encouraged everyone to move around the room, to explore the space. I didn't want people to feel anchored to their initial station - I wanted everyone to know that they had position to move, to shift position as that really helps to vary the energy in the room during the bate session.
The masturbation
As I encouraged everyone to get comfortable and begin to stroke, everyone made a beeline back to their original station.
I switched the music from my meditation playlist into my masturbation playlist and turned up the volume - rhythmic beats to match the enthusiastic stroking as everyone quickly got into gear.
It was hot. Lots of eye contact, lots of appreciative looking at the array of cocks on display - dicks of all shapes and sizes.
I was really pleased that guys did feel comfortable to move around the room - sitting on chairs, sprawling on the sofa, standing in front of the mirror.
A non-sexual circle-jerk
It sounds a bit counter-intuitive to say that this is communal masturbation not a sex-party.
Obviously, we're tapping into the communal sexual energy of a group of naked men all masturbating in the same room, but the rules are no touching anyone else but yourself.
Once again, this aspect works well. There's plenty of interaction, but no touching. This is solo masturbation in a communal space.
Eventually we were done - a solid session of communal masturbation, edging ourselves until we couldn't hold it back anymore.
A success. The next event is already in the diary - 11th August, if you fancy it.
Communal masturbation. Good times.
Ways to add mindfulness to your masturbation
Break your patterns of behaviour
If you usually masturbate in a certain spot or in a certain way, try something new - explore different ways to jack-off. Have you jacked off outside? Have you jacked off blindfolded? Have you jacked off using your left hand? Experience different things.
Make an appointment with your penis.
Block out some dedicated time for your masturbation. This enables you to ensure that you don't have to rush things, that you're not going to be disturbed. It's just you and your hard cock having some quality time together
Explore your body
Start your stroke session with a self-massage. As you're masturbating, don't forget about all of the erogenous zones beyond your cock. Pay particular attention to your nipples and your anus - these parts of your body are hard-wired into the pleasure-receptors in your brain.
Let your imagination loose
As you're masturbating, fantasise about different things. Don't restrain yourself, there are no limits when you're fantasising, there are no taboos. Use your masturbation as an opportunity to explore different aspects your sexual experience and your sexual desires.
Listen to your penis
Different things will feel good at different times. Maybe you need a lot of lube, maybe you don't. Maybe you want fast strokes, maybe you want slow and steady. Figure out what is going to maximise your pleasure in that moment.
Tap into your sexual energy
It's a bit of a nebulous term but your sexual energy is a combination of physical and psychological factors that is the driving force of the sexual act. As you become aroused, your heart-rate increases, your body temperature increases, your senses will be heightened. As you masturbate, try and tune into those physical sensations but also how you're experiencing the world around you in that moment. Sexual energy is often described as a creative energy - a way of unlocking our full potential if we can really connect with it.
Talk about masturbation
Share your experience of masturbation with other men - whether that's fuck-buddies, friends, or guys that you connect with online. Talking about masturbation is an important way of normalising jacking off, but it's also part of the experience - building communal sexual energy with other men is really powerful.
Why is it important to talk about masturbation?
Most of us get lumbered with a lot of shame surrounding masturbation – leading to patterns of behaviour that can really limit the pleasure of jacking off.
Talking about masturbation and celebrating it is a great way to de-stigmatise something that is an essential and normal part of our sexual expression and our basic needs as humans.
How to explore different way to masturbate
Use sex toys and butt plugs
Sex toys are a useful way to change the dynamic of your bate session. If you’re new to using gay sex toys, start with something simple like a butt plug. Butt plugs are designed to go in your anus and provide extra stimulation are particularly good for a bit of prostate stimulation.
Butt plugs come in various sizes – it’s a good idea to start small and build up to the longer and girthier models. If you want something that vibrates, there are also vibrating butt plugs that can add an extra element of fun.
Treat yourself to some quality lube
Lube is an essential part of solo play – it can help reduce friction and make your experience more pleasurable.
There are a variety of lube formulas on the market – experiment with different options until you find your favourite.
One key difference is water-based lube versus silicone-based lube. Water-based is easier when it comes to clean-up, but silicone-based lube will last longer and deliver a smoother ride.
Fuel your fantasies
Visual stimulation is a really common way to motivate your masturbation. If porn is your go-to strategy, try and mix things up a bit so you don't develop static patterns that limit your experience of pleasure.
How to connect with bate buddies
While a solo jack-off is pleasure in its purest form, getting a helping hand from a bate-buddy is always fun.
Let’s look at some ways to make that happen.
Arrange a Circle Jerk
A circle jerk is when a group of guys masturbate together.
You don’t need much more than just some eager participants to arrange a circle jerk. There’s something really primal about jacking off with a group of guys – you can feel the sexual energy in the room.
Get competitive
This is ideal for Masturbation Month, but you can obviously do it at any time of the year. Get your friends and hookups involved. Set everyone a challenge – something like a masturbation marathon where you keep score of how many times you’ve jacked off during the month or in a 24-hour period. The guy who jacks off the most, wins!
Or maybe it’s an edging challenge – who can goon and bate the longest without pushing themselves over the edge and blowing their load? Get creative with it.
Log on to video chat-rooms
Take it online and share your bate with other guys. Whether it's a virtual circle jerk or you're tapping into your exhibitionist kink and putting on a show. Turn your camera on, grease up, and get to work.
Head to a bathhouse
Bathhouses and saunas are great places to find other guys to jerk off with. Everyone is wearing a towel at most, there's plenty of different spaces to explore, there's generally porn playing somewhere, and the sexual energy is pumping.
A celebration of masturbation
Obviously we can - and do - masturbate any and every day of the year, but you'll probably have heard people talking about May as masturbation month.
Why is May designated as Masturbation Month? Alliteration is fun! Men masturbate most in May, maybe?
Designating May as Masturbation Month isn’t a new thing – the illustrious history of these celebrations can be traced back for at least 20 years but no one really knows how or why it started.
It's possible that Masturbation May emerged as a direct challenge to the nonsense that is No Nut November. While there hasn’t been any research that suggests that abstinence helps with your overall health, there is plenty of evidence that confirms that wanking is good for you. Anyone that suggests that there’s some kind of benefit from not masturbating is talking out of their ass. Anyone who suggests that masturbating is somehow bad for you is actively promoting shame and is compromising the mental health of young men.
Whatever, I'm here for any opportunity to talk about and celebrate jack-off joy, so that makes May a pretty magical time of year, right?
Men are massive masturbators, and that’s marvellous!
The After Dark edition
If you need some visual stimulation to explore your masturbation, check out the After Dark edition.
