What if we combined masturbation with mindfulness?

Let's get to grips with this important topic.

What if we combined masturbation with mindfulness?

Okay, I admit that I am quite prone to tooting my own horn, but the premiere Masturbation & Mindfulness event was a total success!

This is part of the series of events that I'm organising as part of my podcast, Naked Men Talking.

Naked Men Talking: Events
Exploring naturism and the power of getting your clothes off.

I had a plan for an event of 10 guys, sitting on the floor in my living room.

Using the Naked Mates platform to recruit attendees, I had about 30 expressions of interest. With about a week to go, I'd whittled the list down to 12 guys confirmed to attend.

There were a couple of last-minute cancellations in the days leading up to the event, so - on the day - I was expecting nine guys to show up, including me.

Everyone showed up pretty much at the same time as scheduled, except for two guys who were total no-shows. That was a little frustrating, but actually turned out really well. My living room isn't massive and the seven of us could comfortably sit in a circle. We could probably have squeezed a couple more in, but 10 would be the absolute limit.

Of the guys who were there, I'd only met one of them before. But the energy was instantly comfortable, relaxed, and friendly - the conversation flowed easily as we waited to see if the no-shows would appear.

Once the clock had hit 15 minutes past our intended start time, we got down to business.

The mindfulness

I'd set up individual stations of a towel and a cushion in a circle on the floor and everyone selected a position.

As instructed, everyone had stripped down to their t-shirt and underwear.

While I've participated in few classes and workshops, I have done zero training in actually facilitating any mindfulness exercises. As I was welcoming everyone and explaining what we were doing, I made it clear that this was a very unserious approach to mindfulness. Everyone seemed okay with that.

We started off with some basic breathing exercises, and a bit of self-massage to begin a bit of connection with the body.

We began to talk a little - just going around the circle giving one-word answers to a series of questions: When was the last time that you masturbated? Where were you when you last masturbated? Who were you with when you last masturbated? What fuelled your fantasies when you last masturbated?

We removed out t-shirts and then we removed our underwear. Next time I do this - yes, there will be a next time - I need to rethink this undressing aspect as I think I can do more with that.

The masturbation

I also need to rethink the transition from the mindfulness exercises into the masturbation. I kind of just ran out of things to say and just said something like: "Right, let's get to work", which felt a bit clumsy although it was effective.

I switched the music from my meditation playlist into my masturbation playlist and turned up the volume - rhythmic beats to match the enthusiastic stroking as everyone quickly got into gear.

It was hot. Lots of eye contact, lots of appreciative looking at the array of cocks on display - dicks of all shapes and sizes.

Initially, we all felt a bit anchored to our position on the floor, but as the bate progressed, guys began to kneel, and stand, and move around the room - shifting the energy, changing the dynamic.

One of the unknown elements of this event was that it was a non-sexual event. Obviously, we'd be tapping into the communal sexual energy of a group of naked men all masturbating in the same room, but the plan was for no touching. This was not a sex-party, the instructions were to get intimate with ourselves not each other.

This aspect actually really worked well. There wasn't any touching. There was interaction - guys stood next to each other while jacking off, guys stood face-to-face while jacking off, guys stood over each other while jacking off. Lots of interaction - which was perfect and really helped turbo-charge the sexual energy in the room - but no touching.

Eventually we were done. Most people had cum - not everyone - but we were all satisfied. I didn't keep a really close eye on the clock, but I think that after the mindfulness exercises we then had a pretty solid hour of communal masturbation - edging ourselves until we couldn't hold it back anymore.

A success. The next event is already in the diary - 14th of July, if you fancy it.

Communal masturbation. Good times.

Ways to add mindfulness to your masturbation

Break your patterns of behaviour

If you usually masturbate in a certain spot or in a certain way, try something new - explore different ways to jack-off. Have you jacked off outside? Have you jacked off blindfolded? Have you jacked off using your left hand? Experience different things.

Make an appointment with your penis.

Block out some dedicated time for your masturbation. This enables you to ensure that you don't have to rush things, that you're not going to be disturbed. It's just you and your hard cock having some quality time together

Explore your body

Start your stroke session with a self-massage. As you're masturbating, don't forget about all of the erogenous zones beyond your cock. Pay particular attention to your nipples and your anus - these parts of your body are hard-wired into the pleasure-receptors in your brain.

Let your imagination loose

As you're masturbating, fantasise about different things. Don't restrain yourself, there are no limits when you're fantasising, there are no taboos. Use your masturbation as an opportunity to explore different aspects your sexual experience and your sexual desires.

Listen to your penis

Different things will feel good at different times. Maybe you need a lot of lube, maybe you don't. Maybe you want fast strokes, maybe you want slow and steady. Figure out what is going to maximise your pleasure in that moment.

Tap into your sexual energy

It's a bit of a nebulous term but your sexual energy is a combination of physical and psychological factors that is the driving force of the sexual act. As you become aroused, your heart-rate increases, your body temperature increases, your senses will be heightened. As you masturbate, try and tune into those physical sensations but also how you're experiencing the world around you in that moment. Sexual energy is often described as a creative energy - a way of unlocking our full potential if we can really connect with it.

Talk about masturbation

Share your experience of masturbation with other men - whether that's fuck-buddies, friends, or guys that you connect with online. Talking about masturbation is an important way of normalising jacking off, but it's also part of the experience - building communal sexual energy with other men is really powerful.

Why is it important to talk about masturbation?

Most of us get lumbered with a lot of shame surrounding masturbation – leading to patterns of behaviour that can really limit the pleasure of jacking off.

Talking about masturbation and celebrating it is a great way to de-stigmatise something that is an essential and normal part of our sexual expression and our basic needs as humans.

How to explore different way to masturbate

Use sex toys and butt plugs

Sex toys are a useful way to change the dynamic of your bate session. If you’re new to using gay sex toys, start with something simple like a butt plug. Butt plugs are designed to go in your anus and provide extra stimulation are particularly good for a bit of prostate stimulation.

Butt plugs come in various sizes – it’s a good idea to start small and build up to the longer and girthier models. If you want something that vibrates, there are also vibrating butt plugs that can add an extra element of fun.

Treat yourself to some quality lube

Lube is an essential part of solo play – it can help reduce friction and make your experience more pleasurable.

There are a variety of lube formulas on the market – experiment with different options until you find your favourite.

One key difference is water-based lube versus silicone-based lube. Water-based is easier when it comes to clean-up, but silicone-based lube will last longer and deliver a smoother ride.

Try erotic hypnosis

Erotic hypnosis is a form of mental conditioning that can help improve your sexual performance. It can help you relax and get into the mood for sex, and it can also help you let go of performance anxiety and increase your sexual pleasure.

Advocates of erotic hypnosis report that it helps them get into the perfect head-space for gooning out – becoming one with your cock and your body and immersing yourself in the pleasure that delivers.

Fuel your fantasies

Visual stimulation is a really common way to motivate your masturbation. If porn is your go-to strategy, try and mix things up a bit so you don't develop static patterns that limit your experience of pleasure.

How to connect with bate buddies

While a solo jack-off is pleasure in its purest form, getting a helping hand from a bate-buddy is always fun.

Let’s look at some ways to make that happen.

Arrange a Circle Jerk

A gay circle jerk is when a group of guys masturbate together.

You don’t need much more than just some eager participants to arrange a circle jerk. There’s something really primal about jacking off with a group of guys – you can feel the sexual energy in the room.

Get competitive

This is ideal for Masturbation Month, but you can obviously do it at any time of the year. Get your friends and hookups involved. Set everyone a challenge – something like a masturbation marathon where you keep score of how many times you’ve jacked off during the month or in a 24-hour period. The guy who jacks off the most, wins!

Or maybe it’s an edging challenge – who can goon and bate the longest without pushing themselves over the edge and blowing their load? Get creative with it.

Log on to video chat-rooms

Take it online and share your bate with other guys. Whether it's a virtual circle jerk or you're tapping into your exhibitionist kink and putting on a show. Turn your camera on, grease up, and get to work.

Head to a bathhouse

Bathhouses and saunas are great places to find other guys to jerk off with. Everyone is wearing a towel at most, there's plenty of different spaces to explore, there's generally porn playing somewhere, and the sexual energy is pumping.

A celebration of masturbation

Obviously we can - and do - masturbate any and every day of the year, but you'll probably have heard people talking about May as masturbation month.

Why is May designated as Masturbation Month? Alliteration is fun! Men masturbate most in May, maybe?

Designating May as Masturbation Month isn’t a new thing – the illustrious history of these celebrations can be traced back for at least 20 years but no one really knows how or why it started.

It's possible that Masturbation May emerged as a direct challenge to the nonsense that is No Nut November. While there hasn’t been any research that suggests that abstinence helps with your overall health, there is plenty of evidence that confirms that wanking is good for you. Anyone that suggests that there’s some kind of benefit from not masturbating is talking out of their ass. Anyone who suggests that masturbating is somehow bad for you is actively promoting shame and is compromising the mental health of young men.

Whatever, I'm here for any opportunity to talk about and celebrate jack-off joy, so that makes May a pretty magical time of year, right?

Men are massive masturbators, and that’s marvellous!

The After Dark edition

If you need some visual stimulation to explore your masturbation, check out the After Dark edition.

After Dark: Masturbation
Practice makes perfect.

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