Who is looking at you in the locker-room?
Simple steps to help you get comfortable with getting your clothes off in public.
I could spend all day just hanging out in locker rooms, watching guys get their clothes off - you can tell a lot about a guy by observing how he gets naked.
Some guys in the gym seem completely oblivious to nudity – either their own or that of those around them. Years of swim-training at school or team sports can effectively desensitise you – you spend so much time showering with your team mates or seeing them naked that there’s no longer any shock-value or excitement.
Some guys seem to take a real pleasure in displaying their naked form in front of others. For many guys, there’s an undeniable exhibitionist thrill in public nudity.
Guys who take great effort to pull their underwear on underneath their towel clearly aren’t that keen to get their dick out in public – for whatever reason. It could be a cultural or religious inhibition, or it might simply be that some guys are afraid that people will laugh or make fun of them if it looks like they’re a bit on the small side.
At its most extreme, a fear of getting changed in public is known as dishabiliophobia. But it’s surprising how many people have some level of social anxiety in relation to getting changed or undressed in locker rooms.
A phobia or social anxiety is generally triggered by some sort of traumatic event – usually at a young age. For many queer guys, Phys Ed or Sports classes at school are the source of some of the unhappiest memories from childhood – bullying, verbal abuse, and physical abuse have been common experiences for many of us.
Young adolescents are particularly vulnerable. Everyone’s bodies are developing at different times and in different ways, and kids have an innate and primal ability to identify and exploit points of weakness or difference in peers and competitors.
If you've experienced trauma around getting naked during your formative years, that can negatively impact your body image as an adult, as well as inhibit your ability to enjoy anxiety-free and uninhibited intimacy with others.
You can't change the past, but how do you move forward and build a healthier relationship with your body?
Mirror-work
A lot of early-age trauma associated with our bodies is triggered by appearing slightly different to the peers that you're surrounded by. Those anxieties are then exacerbated by our relationship with social media - we're constantly comparing ourselves to others and we're seeking validation from people online in order to feel seen and to feel good about ourselves.
The reality is that other people's opinions about your body don't matter. Furthermore, no one is spending as much time thinking about your body as you are. All that energy that you're spending on worrying about what other people think about the way that your body looks is wasted - they're either not thinking about you or their opinions are irrelevant.
Unlearning all of that takes time and patience but one way of starting the process is to get comfortable with the reality of your body. Strip naked and take an objective look at yourself in the mirror. Try and do this without judgement, without comparing yourself to anyone else. Understand your body - understand what your body looks like.
Put some time aside each day to look in the mirror and study your body. Add some breathing exercises into the process. Add some yoga poses into the process - do everything naked. Get comfortable with the way that your body looks when you move.
Match actions to goals
Body-positivity is all about being comfortable with the body you have but it's okay to set yourself some goals if you want to make changes in your life.
If your mirror-work exercises leave you feeling that you'd like to be leaner or stronger, that's okay. But if you've got aspirations to change the way that your body looks or feels or moves, then you need to put some actions against those goals in order to work towards the changes you seek.
What changes are you going to make? To have any impact, you need to make changes to your diet and your fitness regime if you want different results from your body. If you're not prepared to make those changes - or you're struggling to follow through with your intentions - then you need to figure out what's holding you back and deal with those underlying issues first.
Challenge yourself
If the thought of getting naked in front of others unsettles you - if it triggers your anxiety or makes you feel nervous or uncomfortable - you can see that area of discomfort as an opportunity for growth.
Building confidence and a stronger sense of self is achieved by overcoming our fears and anxieties.
For example, you may feel nervous about public speaking - the idea of standing in front of a room full of people and addressing them fills you with dread. Sure, you could spend your life avoiding situations that may require public speaking, or you could put the work in, develop the tools and equip yourself with the techniques that enable you to overcome that anxiety. Not only will you potentially unlock new opportunities in your professional life, you will become a more confident and self-assured person precisely because you have been able to leave those anxieties behind you.
The same goes for getting naked in front of other people. What is the area of discomfort? What are the tools and techniques that you could learn to overcome those anxieties? How do you put the work in?
Looking at yourself naked in the mirror is a small step. Being naked when you're at home is another small step. Exploring social naturism opportunities could be the breakthrough that you're looking for to change the relationship with your body and leave your anxieties about public nakedness behind you.
It could be as simple as sitting naked in a sauna. It could be a naked yoga class. It could be naked camping. It could be a naked house party. It could be a small group event of some kind. Put the work in. Figure out how to move past the anxieties that are holding you back. Build your confidence and develop a stronger sense of self.
Gareth Johnson
