Grabbys Spotlight: Ryan-Michel
Targeting trophies in Torremolinos.
As we count down towards the Grabby Awards in Torremolinos, we caught up with Ryan-Michel.
Ryan-Michel is nominated in three categories:
- Best Top
- Best Versatile
- Newcomer of the Year
You've said that winning a Grabby Award would be recognition of your resilience and your personal transformation - how did you discover and start to explore that performing on camera and content creation was something that you're passionate about?
I made my first recordings around 2013, with my then-boyfriend. He was actually the first person with whom I had truly passionate, intense sex. Maybe it was also the secrecy that made it exciting — the whole situation had to stay a little out of the limelight.
He had a relationship in Germany that had pretty much died out — if it had ever really had any fire at all. We met, we hit it off instantly, but things were complicated and needed to be sorted out.
We started making recordings just for our own fun during those nights, and I immediately loved the creative aspect of it — creating visually attractive scenes that were genuinely hot to watch. I remember telling him that if the opportunity ever knocked on my door, I would absolutely jump at it. We even did some spontaneous live performances together in a couple of clubs, and I loved it. It worked because the energy between us was so natural that I forgot about the world around me.
Eventually, the relationship imploded because of the secrecy and the unresolved situation with the other boyfriend. It all got put to bed - pun intended - but there’s still a 15-second teaser of us on my socials.
Fast forward to the summer of 2022, when I experienced a life-changing event. I won’t go into too much detail, but it’s fair to say I survived death and lived to tell the tale. I had to fully recuperate, and I owe a lot of that to my physical condition — as a fitness trainer, my body was strong enough to recover without permanent damage. Doctors even considered it a medical wonder.
When something like that happens, you start asking yourself: What do I regret not doing? What would I have wanted to try?
It completely changed my perspective on life, people, and mortality. You only get one life. It flashes by. Live it the way you want to live it. I promised myself that the first opportunity that felt right — I would take it.
So, I created a Twitter/X account. Before I even had 40 followers, I was recruited in London to film for JustForFans. Some of the guys I filmed with are still daily contacts. And to my surprise, my brother said, “I’ll come along to support you.” Quite the adventure, right?
Do you consider yourself an exhibitionist?
Maybe not in the quintessential, conventional sense. I’ve only felt fully comfortable in my own skin since my recovery. That experience made me realise that I had forgotten to love what I already had because I was too focused on what I thought I was missing.
In daily life, I’d never naturally grab the centre of attention. But when the camera turns on, the director focuses on me, and I feel comfortable with my scene partners — when that creative energy bubble forms — something shifts.
The same happens during live shows. When I’m in that bubble with my co-performer and I can sense the audience — because you really do feel them — then yes, in that moment, I might absolutely be an exhibitionist.
What was your relationship with your body like growing up?
I was always the “little twink” — the smallest boy in class. I was mocked for it. At home, things weren’t much better - I constantly felt reminded of my insecurities. I felt completely worthless and unattractive.
I wore oversized clothes to hide. I skipped gym class. I avoided situations where I’d have to compare myself to other boys.
At some point, I got tired of avoiding mirrors and photos. I decided to commit to the gym. I improved steadily, and - over time - there’s been nearly a 25-kilogram difference. I couldn’t be more grateful. I feel fitter and stronger than ever, and now I genuinely feel confident in my body.
I turned something painful into something powerful, and I’m proud of that.
How has your work in the adult entertainment industry changed your relationship with your body and your experience of intimacy?
It’s made me appreciate my body even more and feel an even stronger responsibility to take care of it. When I’m on camera, I give everything. I feel responsible to my viewers — the least I can do is give them the very best version of myself.
For me, it’s also about art. I want real energy. Beautiful backgrounds. Great colours. Eyes that sparkle with genuine joy. If it isn’t authentic, it doesn’t work for me.
As for intimacy, I’ve always been picky. It either connects or it doesn’t. Over time, I’ve learned what I need — and it turns out that applies to shooting partners as well.
The common thread in all my best shoots is connection before the camera rolls. If we connect, make each other feel safe — safe enough to truly let go — the energy becomes raw and real. That often creates a deep intimacy on set that sometimes lingers afterward.
It has even shifted my private life a bit. Since then, it’s sometimes felt like private intimacy doesn’t quite reach the same intensity anymore — which creates an interesting balance to navigate.
It has made me realise that if I ever have a boyfriend again, he might need to be part of the creator world too. Recently, someone gave me a glimpse of what that could feel like - so apparently it does exist somewhere.
What makes a good collab?
When I reflect on my collaborations - why some collaborations worked phenomenally well while others just didn’t click - there's a clear thread connecting the good ones.
First of all, basic human decency. The guys who collaborated well actually responded, communicated clearly, and didn’t ghost. No matter how you explain it, ghosting isn’t okay. Kindness and respect cost nothing.
Secondly, the conversation was natural and fun from the start. It felt like there was a real match - we stayed in touch, joked around, and there was already a bit of chemistry before the cameras were even on.
And finally, professionalism. The good collaborators treated it like work as well as fun. They pulled out their calendars, picked a date, time, and place, and we decided together what we wanted to shoot and who would prepare what. That kind of mutual respect makes everything smoother.
When the logistics are handled easily, all the energy can go into the part that really matters - the connection. That’s the kind of chemistry people can actually see on camera.
Gareth Johnson
Beyond the Grabby Awards, what’s on your vision-board for the months ahead?
The digital side of things has been a real challenge this past year. My very ADD, “neurojuicy” brain has been teaching itself how to manage platforms, which meant losing and rebuilding social media accounts more than once.
Things are finally stabilising, and in the past few weeks I’ve brought in some skilled help — which was one of my biggest wishes. I still have to work alongside all of this, so time efficiency is key. The next step is creating a solid work plan and building from there.
What I love most is being on the road — creating, travelling, and meeting incredible people. I’m already mapping out new trips. Next week it’s Milan, Italy, and then Darklands in Antwerp.
And honestly? If it were up to me, after the Grabby’s this summer I might never come back to the Netherlands. Let me dream, okay?
Gareth Johnson